Self-care is an essential part of living a healthy, balanced life. It involves taking time to nurture our physical, mental, emotional, and spiritual well-being. Self-care looks different for everyone – it’s about understanding your own needs and making self-care a regular priority.
In recent years, the concept of self-care has gained more mainstream attention. However, it’s also become a bit of a buzzword that people throw around without much meaning behind it. True self-care goes far beyond treating yourself to a face mask or a bubble bath. It’s about building resilience and coping skills to handle life’s inevitable ups and downs with grit and grace.
This podcast will explore the deeper meaning behind self-care and why it’s so vital for wellbeing. We’ll discuss strategies for redefining resilience, developing grit, and accessing grace so you can not just survive, but thrive through daily life.
Redefining Resilience
Resilience is commonly defined as the ability to bounce back from adversity and difficult experiences. However, resilience researcher Brené Brown believes we need to take a more nuanced perspective. In her book “Rising Strong,” she writes:
“The truth is that we don’t bounce back from hard hits. We crawl across the floor with our guts hanging out, holding onto whatever we can to keep moving forward – this crawling, this collecting all the scattered pieces of our spirit that are strewn across the floor becomes the very essence of our resilience.”
Rather than quickly returning to baseline, Brown stresses the importance of allowing ourselves to feel grief, struggle through discomfort, and fully integrate challenging experiences before emerging more whole. We must honor the entire arc of the process.
This redefined view of resilience aligns closely with the Japanese concept of “wabi-sabi” – finding beauty in life’s imperfections and impermanence. When we accept hardship as a natural part of the human condition rather than failing to measure up to unrealistic standards for invulnerability, we can access deeper reserves of strength.
Redefining resilience as a slow, messy process of reconstruction broadens the bandwidth for what it means to be “resilient.” Resilience isn’t about achieving a finished product at the end – it’s about doing the ongoing work to collect those scattered pieces, sit with discomfort, and keep believing in your ability to heal.
Building Grit
Redefining resilience as an intimate rebuilding process also sheds light on the importance of grit. Grit goes beyond resilience by adding a key ingredient: courageous perseverance in pursuit of long-term goals and personal growth.
Research shows grit is a better predictor of success than IQ or talent alone because it fuels the ability to keep showing up through waves of failure, criticism, fatigue, and plateau. However, we must avoid the trap of toxic grit – feeling like we must keep pushing dangerously beyond our limits. True grit pairs perseverance with self-care and support.
We can build grit by getting clear on our core values and sense of purpose and learning to detach our self-worth from immediate outcomes. This intrinsic motivation allows us to stay focused despite external feedback and setbacks. Here are three key strategies:
1. Reflect on why your goal matters: Connect with the meaning and motivation behind your goal when things get frustrating. Let your values reorient you towards “true north” when you feel lost.
2. Celebrate small wins: Break your goal down into achievable milestones so you have tangible progress to celebrate frequently, which prevents burnout. Make a visual chart to watch your small wins accumulate.
3. Don’t compare your Chapter 1 to someone else’s Chapter 20: Be inspired but not intimidated by others who are farther along. Appreciate where you currently are on your unique path, which has its own timing and trajectory meant just for you.
Accessing Grace The process of building grit inevitably also surfaces our demons, fears, and growing pains. Without sufficient self-compassion, it’s easy to lose touch with grace amidst the intense drive to keep soldiering on. Brené Brown defines grace as “love freely given, limitless and unconditional.” It’s that soft place to land when we fall, fail, or lose our way.
Rather than berating ourselves when we’re emotionally depleted or ashamed, we can extend grace through little acts of soothing, care, and forgiveness. Self-grace acknowledges we’re all a beautiful work-in-progress. Here are simple ways we can dip into this infinite wellspring of grace whenever we need restoration:
1. Write a compassion letter to yourself as if from your most nurturing friend when you feel inadequate or criticized.
2. Place your hands gently on your heart and repeat soothing mantras like “I am learning” or “I deeply accept myself.”
3. Take a quiet moment to appreciate the sky, trees, or sunlight – basking in the grace and gifts that surround us.
By invoking grace amidst adversity, we summon the strength to soften rather than harden, open rather than close, lean into support rather than isolate. Grace is the golden thread that allows grit to elevate rather than crush our spirit. We build resilience by repeatedly practicing small acts of self-compassion.
Moving Through Everyday Life with Grit and Grace
Navigating everyday responsibilities and stressors requires moving fluidly between grit and grace. Grittiness keeps us steadfastly chipping away at goals we’re passionate about over the long haul. Grace gives us patience and self-nurturing to smooth out life’s rougher edges when our energy and spirits lag.
Here are three scenarios where we can strengthen resilience in daily life by blending grit and grace:
1. When tackling difficult work projects: Dive fully into periods of intense focus paired with bold creativity, then build in breather moments to clear your head, stretch your body, or refuel your mind with inspiration.
2. When managing physical health challenges: Commit to your treatment plan and lifestyle changes with discipline and accountability while also practicing self-kindness on hard days when your body and spirit feel fragile.
3. When balancing parenting and self-care: Give your full presence and nurturance when caring for your kids, then carve out guiltless time for activities that replenish you with joy, flow, meaning and connection.
Weaving grit and grace together trains us to ride all of life’s varied waves and rhythms with more skill, ease, and inner poise.
Practical Self-Care Strategies
The above exploration of redefining resilience grounds self-care as an act of courageous commitment to personal growth and healing - not just feel-good indulgences. With that context in mind, let’s get specific about daily self-care habits that develop grit and grace.
Mindset Shifts - Give yourself unconditional permission to make self-care a priority rather than a guilty extra credit - Let go of perfectionist all-or-nothing thinking; consistency over time compounds - Notice but don’t buy into thoughts that self-care is selfish or self-indulgent - Trust that taking care of your needs will ultimately make you a better partner, parent, colleague, leader Physical Support - Make time for movement that you enjoy whether it’s walking, dancing, strength training or yoga - Don’t wait until you’re depleted to rest; integrate mini breaks into your day - Eat balanced, nourishing meals and stay hydrated throughout the day Mental Restoration - Unplug from digital devices and focus inward or outward through nature - Write morning pages for unfiltered thoughts and feelings without self-judgement - Schedule playtime doing hobbies, sports or creative activities that make you lose track of time Emotional Nurturing - Check in with yourself regularly about feelings and needs - Give voice to thoughts and feelings - speak, write, sing, paint or dance them - Spend time with supportive people where you feel safe, seen and celebrated Spiritual Sustenance - Express gratitude for life’s simple gifts - a warm cup of tea, cute squirrels, or a good hair day! - Find alignment between daily choices and deeper sense of purpose - Ritualize reflection with meditation, prayer or inspirational reading
Relational Connection - Initiate catch up calls, texts, meals or activities with people who feed your soul - Communicate needs clearly and compromise when necessary rather than resenting others - Set boundaries around time, energy, resources without guilt or over-explaining
Mastering self-care is a continuous journey of dismantling old habits, beliefs and cultural conditioning that keep us running on empty. By redefining self-care as resilience wrapped in equal parts grit and grace, we can unlock lasting habits that allow us to flourish in all areas of life.
The Path from Burnout to Balance
Many of us find ourselves utterly depleted yet struggling to truly prioritize self-care - no matter how much we know we “should.” Behind our inertia, scarcity mentality, or feelings of guilt around self-care often lies unresolved trauma and grief.
Think of chronic stress and exhaustion as red flags - signals begging us to notice what demands in our life feel unsustainable. The chant that self-care is selfish rings loudly when we don’t believe we’re worthy of love and care. We rush around compacting responsibilities because deep down, our inner critic whispers we’ll never be enough. No wonder we find ourselves on the e