The Paradox of Control: How Trying to Control Others Ends Up Controlling You
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Description
SHOW NOTES: On this show…we are exploring the paradox of control and how trying to control others ends up controlling you. Have you ever wondered if your well-intentioned help might...
show more- Check Your Motives
- Ask Yourself: Why am I offering help or advice? Is it because I genuinely want to support this person, or because I feel anxious if things aren’t done my way?
- Helpful: If your intention is to empower the other person and you’re okay with the outcome, even if it’s different from what you would do.
- Controlling: If your intention is to ensure things are done according to your standards, or to alleviate your own discomfort or anxiety.
- Consider the Other Person’s Autonomy
- Ask Yourself: Am I allowing the other person to make their own choices, or am I trying to steer them toward what I think is best?
- Helpful: If you respect the other person’s right to make their own decisions, even if they choose differently than you would.
- Controlling: If you’re pushing your agenda, making decisions for them, or not giving them the space to make their own choices.
- Observe Their Response
- Ask Yourself: How does the other person react when I offer help or advice? Do they seem appreciative, or do they appear uncomfortable or resistant?
- Helpful: If the other person feels supported, empowered, and grateful for your input.
- Controlling: If they seem frustrated, distant, or resistant, it could be a sign that they feel smothered or undermined.
- Reflect on Your Emotional State
- Ask Yourself: How do I feel if the person doesn’t take my advice or doesn’t accept my help?
- Helpful: If you’re at peace with their decision and don’t feel the need to push further.
- Controlling: If you feel irritated, anxious, or disappointed when they don’t follow your guidance.
- Assess the Frequency and Context
- Ask Yourself: How often am I stepping in to offer help or advice? Is it in situations where it’s truly needed, or am I doing it constantly, even when not asked?
- Helpful: If you offer help selectively, in situations where it’s genuinely needed, and when the other person asks for it.
- Controlling: If you find yourself frequently intervening, even in situations where the other person is capable or didn’t ask for assistance.
- Solicit Feedback
- Ask Them: How do you feel about the help or advice I’m giving? Do you feel supported or overwhelmed?
- Helpful: If they express that your support is valuable and that they feel empowered.
- Controlling: If they indicate that your help feels more like pressure or that they feel micromanaged.
- Evaluate the Balance of Power
- Ask Yourself: Am I trying to maintain control or power in this situation, or am I empowering the other person?
- Helpful: If your actions encourage the other person’s growth, independence, and self-confidence.
- Controlling: If your actions are more about maintaining control or ensuring things go your way.
Information
Author | KKFI Community Podcasts |
Organization | KKFI Community Podcasts |
Website | - |
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