Friends, the Oxford commas are dying. If we don’t act, they’ll become extinct forever.

They’ve been declining for decades. We all saw the signs, yet we turned our backs and said, “Someone else will save the commas.”

Someone else never showed up. Someone else never shows up.

Morally deformed writers have abused the Oxford comma for ages, even asking for the extermination of this essential grammatical species. Literature’s pages are stained red with the blood of their misdeeds.

Canadian and Australian national style guides declared the Oxford comma “unnecessary.” May their national sins be writ forever in the annals of history. Shame upon their memories, upon the memories of their children, and upon the memories of their children’s children.

Seize this chance to be heroes. Protect the Oxford commas.

If we don’t preserve this precious piece of punctuation, we’ll one day find ourselves in a world choked by idiotic sentences like, “He wanted to try the cherry, the lemon and the cookie dough.”

Look at that sentence again. Read it out loud. Hear how utterly idiotic it is. How it sounds like you’ve gotten too impatient to pause before “cookie dough” and decided to just let the words dribble out of your mouth like orange soda from the lips of a yokel gone slack-jawed in mid-drink at a traveling circus’ arrival.

Don’t turn away. Go. Read that sentence again. Hear how maddeningly stupid it sounds. Is that what you want for your children?

Be one of those who stands and says, “There’s a comma before cookie dough. It’s called the Oxford comma. It’s a proud, noble comma. It matters. It cannot be erased.”

No quarter can be given. No quarter in the war for the Oxford comma.

Choose your side now…and fight