“They don’t build ‘em like they used to.” That famously nostalgic maxim whose utterance— despite how much the younger version of you rolled your eyes every time you heard it—ironically turns out to be true. Who knew? I’ll tell you who, all the old people you arrogant little prat. So true in fact that “They don’t build ‘em like they used to” qualifies as one of the Ten Commandments of growing old, right after “You can’t take it with you,” and somewhere before “Death and taxes.”

Anywho … it deserves repeating that “They don’t build ‘em like they used to” is pretty much always true but also not necessarily a bad thing. We’ve already discussed how homes aren’t built like they use to be. When it comes to care and craftsmanship that’s not great. But when it comes to things like oh … engineering, ambient light, insulation, and—thank the gods—indoor plumbing, then we can all rejoice we don’t build them like we used to.

Things change. Time moves inexorably forward. Sometimes the past is built upon and improved. Sometimes the lessons of the past are neglected and forgotten. And so it goes with so many things. Yes it’s true, we don’t build cars or computers or homes or families or relationships or even cultures, companies, and countries like we used to.

Is this good or is it bad?

Yes.

It’s called nuance, America. Nuance, a word we seem to have forgotten and could all afford to get reacquainted with. And as mind bending and heart wrenching as it may at times be, I’m pretty sure wrestling with nuance and learning to accept nuance has always been and always will be a good and healthy and noble pursuit. Fact: life is usually not black or white. The past, the present, the future, are neither all good nor all evil.

People—good Lord, especially people—are always absolutely 100% never absolutely 100% anything.

Nuance.

No one can live in the past, but also no one wants to reinvent the wheel. Therefore, we must find a way to revisit the past without getting marooned there. For me, that plan comes down to nurturing just a couple of simple ideals: wisdom and wonder. Wisdom is all about learning from the past. Wonder is all about welcoming new information, new ideas, new possibilities. We all start out life all wonder and no wisdom. As we grow hopefully wisdom grows too. But also as we grow wonder can wane. Like our aging bodies, our minds and souls can become stiff, inflexible, unmoving, unchanging. In such things there is no wisdom.

For that very reason I chose long ago to no longer call myself a grown up. I am an adult, that’s true, but grown up? Surely you jest. Grown up is past tense. If you’re all grown up your done growing. You’re done changing. You’re just done. So maybe let’s not be grown ups any more. Let’s not become prisoners of our own hubris and inflexibility. Let’s embrace wisdom and wonder. Let’s be childlike, not childish. And let’s be adults, but not pretend we’re ALL grown up.

Let’s be wise enough to celebrate and learn from the best of the past. And let’s be courageous enough to also let it go and embrace new possibilities. We’re big enough to both lament and celebrate that “They don’t build ‘em like they used to.” We really are. So let’s get better at nuance, and at wisdom and wonder. Do this and I guarantee you will grow both wiser and younger, and very likely, you’ll also get better at building yourself a beautiful life.