Joseph Wheeler, our thought-to-be-lost school mascot, has returned and now rules the playground with an iron fist (Hulk Hands). School bus jousting is here again, even though two people died last year. Budget cuts saw our janitorial staff laid off—even the cute janitor we all like. But Jambalaya is opening its long-closed high school wing of our building! Yes, Vice Principal Fendleton is still consuming an unsafe amount of testosterone supplements. This month's song is Bach Against the Wall, a parody of Cage the Elephant. Lyrics: Tonight I'll have a seat and try to write this verse again. Buried beneath this powdered wig, some fleas get settled in. My second cousin then shows me her two cantatas. Behind the harpsichord we've fallen to the floor. Maria's got me by my organ again and I'm about to com...pose a sonata all over her clavichord. I'm stuck here in between two Ds that seem a little flat. I wanna get away—I need to get away......A shake so violent that it wakes me from such peaceful sleep. Turn to my wife to see her Handel-ing my textured suite. Pull back the sheets and take a look into her eyes. A sudden crescendo explodes with a surprise. And now she's got my my pants around my ankles so I can't run again. I'm halfway off the bed but can't reach my violin. I'm stuck here in between this orchestrated pleasuring. I need to get away, but there is no escape......Now, you know, yeah you've got this Bach against the wall. Oh my, I ain't got no other time to write...these fugues. This koncertmeister's running for the hall. So long—you can't keep this Bach against the wall......Out in the countryside with my homeboy Prince Leopold. A messenger exclaims my wife has died—she caught a cold. In disbelief I flee and bump into a fellow. It's a young girl who says she wants to play my cello. Now she calls me to her chambers, and I can't keep my wig on straight. I try to write preludes, but she keeps mailing me nudes. I wanna play my lute, but Anna's in her birthday suit. I go to take a walk, and she says, "YOU'LL BE BACH!" Now, you know, yeah you've got this Bach against the wall. Behave! I bet Vivaldi's turning in his grave. For now, this kappellmeister's living in your thrall. Such woe, again, you've got this Bach against the wall. You know, I was a tenor. Now I'm sopranoooooooo. I know you'll always have this Bach against the wall.